When SMART Goals don't bring Results - Authentic Goal setting
Authentic Goals = Achievements that don't just look good from the outside but feel good on the inside...
You have probably heard of SMART goals and how they can help you get clear on your direction and stay accountable. What if you have all the tools and still not reaching your destination. You can see it, you can smell it, almost touch it and you sure know that you are capable of everything you set your mind to. Then why are you not quite getting ‘there’?
Let’s put SMART goals aside for a moment to look at a new way of goal setting, which much more in touch with who we really are and takes into account that we are not all the same, but operating from different backgrounds, stories and beliefs. We all have our own unique story and we grow up with certain paradigms that shaped who we are today, some of them potentially holding us back. Therefore, SMART goals don't bring same results for everyone. Looking closer at your truth will bring you progress from the inside out.
Not by Doing things differently or more of the same, but by Being in alignment with who you are and allowing yourself to be successful.
Much more than being afraid of failure, many of us are, in fact, afraid of success.
When we achieve a goal, we will find ourselves in one of 3 scenarios…
We feel excitement for achieving the goal
We feel happy, but looking deeper, not for the external recognition & validation it brings
We feel relieved to finally tick off this pesky item from out To-Do list and almost indifferent about the achievement itself.
If it’s no. 3, you will know straight away, you have pushed and pressured yourself because you thought this thing will result in certain feelings (love, happiness) or give you a certain tangible outcome. Turns out it didn't. Or the outcome you thought you wanted to so much and would positively impact your life, hasn’t given you the satisfaction you were hoping for.
Have you ever experienced this? The worst thing in this case, is to carry on and quickly define the next milestone. If we pause, listen and look at reasons behind our original goal, what we promised ourselves from achieving this goal and why we don’t feel fulfilled now that we have it, we are giving ourselves the chance to adjust course and live more in alignment with what we truly need in order to experience genuine fulfilment in life.
The second scenario on the list is harder to identify. Imagine yourself reaching your goals and nobody cheering you on or ever knowing. Would you still like your goal just the same? If the answer is no, go back and check in with the real reason for that goal. Who are you pleasing by getting this outcome? Who are you proving your worth to?
Stay curious and investigate to get to the real source of your motivation.
Least bu not last, if you are 100% certain that your goal will bring you genuine happiness, what is slowing you down or standing in the way right now?
In what way are you making progress daily towards this goal, while acknowledging yourself and not compromising your needs?
Getting clarity about the feelings attached to your goal, will give you the necessary insights to move forward. Sometimes, we subconsciously put too much weight on a single achievement (e.g. If I don't get this promotion, I'm not good at what I do, which means I'm not good enough).
Creating awareness around why our goals are important to us, is the first step to shed the light on what is holding us back. Imagine the enormous pressure behind a promotion, if we a negative outcome would result in such a devastating feeling. Of course, we will sabotage our progress by avoiding to get any outcome - no matter how much we may want this promotion.
If you feel, you have been pushing towards an achievement, but keep sabotaging yourself in some way that is not consciously accessible or controlled by you, get in touch!